honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
