They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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