im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
