Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet he comes in French.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
