My friends, they love my intelligence
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
