Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
