I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
