Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
