If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize