I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
