a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
