just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize