I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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