Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
