dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
