I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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