"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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