Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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