I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
