OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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