i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
