Plan B is the new Plan A
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
