Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
