Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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