he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
