I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
