Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
