i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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