I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
