so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
