You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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