im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
