Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
