I want to stick my p in your. b.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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