i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
