Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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