dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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