My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
