Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
