I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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