Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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