I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
