we have pet lesbian snakes
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
