Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
