look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
