grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
