I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
