hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
