First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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