I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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