wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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