Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
