Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
