He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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