I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
