Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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