Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize