I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
