Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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