I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The uberlube is also flammable
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
