I am puke
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you traded sex for a burrito?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
