that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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