Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize