I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
