I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
