The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
