So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
