Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
