Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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