My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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