I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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