so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
