Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
