ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
