I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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