I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
why is half of my head shaved?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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