so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
