You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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