Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize