I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
