dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
