Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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