Four minutes until I can fart!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
