Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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