Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
