i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
