he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
