I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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