I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
