I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
