No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He shit in the fireplace
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